2nd of august marks an achievement in my lyfe
for the first time i performed infront of a crowd after such a long tyme
plus i wasnt dancing for fun
i was dancing for passion and in the name of the school
one thing that i cant deny is that im one of the worst dancer there

basically, im facing lotz of pressures ever since joining the dance club
it wasnt a smooth ride for mi unlike the others
yeah itz true that i didnt have much experience in dancing
but i dont wanna let that stop mi
one ting for sure, ill try my best to do it
i haf no idea how long can i stand all those painful remarks
but i will try my best
i mean wat's the point of learning wif sumone hu hates u?
it hurts ur feelings wen that teacher gives hurtful remarks
and it pisses her off wen u get tings wrong
and watz worse is wen she talks behind ur back about ur weakness
and start calling u names and comparing u with the others in the class
wen u were not there
i feel lyke quitting
im juz giving it one more chance
if the same tings happens again
im off....

ppl juz dont know mie
i still havent fine the correct place for mi to fit in
im still in my own searching werld
only god knows how i feel inside
the confusion, the hurt
my soul is still with my oldfrens, and...mamat
itz realli complicating if i tink abt it
ive given up in fitting in wif my skool pals
im juz spending everydae in skool juz walking ard the skool
wif farna
i spend tyme in class sleeping
i juz.....hate skool now
itz juz so boring and stressful and frustrating
plus the skool's environment is not even conducive enuf
i juz dont have ani memorable tinggy abt my skool so far
skool suck...every ting suck
i dunno wat on earth am i doing in skool everydae
i tires mi
im feeling restless lately

cummon....i nid steriods

im stressed, restless and confused
the conversation with khidhir left mi wondering
am i the reason for the heartbreaks that ive caused myself to go thru?
he said, mayb now isnt the tyme yet
u should go and find yourself first
get to know you, and learn to love yourself first
b4 loving sum1 else
i was left to ponder on those lines
i felt that what he said was actualli thru
i didnt even know exactly wat kinda guy i want
i know ive been quite a bitch lately
going ard, hurting guys feelings
went into their lives and get out of it leaving scars in their hearts
im sick of it. i felt realli sorie
but i dunno how to apologize
yes, u're rite!!! im a coward!!! YANA IS A COWARD!!!
i dun haf the guts to admit my mistakes infront of him
and tell him straight to the face that IM JUST SO SORRY!!
and that i actualli felt the same wae towards hym
im just scared that history might repeat itself
the cut that is left 2 years ago has healed
but my heart is still fragile
and the wound might tear anityme
the day u let me walk out of your life has taught me a thousand lessons
i know that the years you were wif mi wasnt a smooth sailing one
i hurt u almost everydae
and i reali appreciate it that u stayed in my lyfe and continued loving mi
im sorry for giving u empty promises
despite all that, deep in mi, i love u wif all my heart
tankz for sharing ur lyfe wif mi
there'll owaes b a piece of my heart wf eu

oh gosh!! i feel lyke a slut
stop it yana!! stop it!!
itz tyme for eu to get serious
no more hurting ppl
plz yana plz....
juz wake up and itz tyme to give sum1 ur heart with sincerety

im waiting for that sum1 for mi to love again
promise made to myself: i'll change my ways
i nid to find myself sumwhere within mie
here i come

itz been days since i last blogged

hmm...ive been realli2 buzy now

tests after tests, heartbreaks after heartbreaks

sumtymes i wonder, how long will my lyfe go on lyke dis

no tyme for family, old frens and even for myself

weekdays i spend almost 1/2 the day in skool

weekends i spend 1/2 the day doing skool assignments, religious classes and werk

i find my lyfe now realli hectic

and at nite, i got to use the com 4 lyke an 1hr and a half only..

coz if i use it ani longer, my eardrums wud bleed due to excess blabbering

and my mom wud throw mi out of the kitchen window. lol!

yesterday was my accounting test

i read every werd that's in the notes

n guess wat!! i was 15 mins late 4 it

cud u believe it...datz da first tyme in the history of my lyfe dat ive been late for an exam

yay mie!! congrats

or actualli boo.... im lucky dat they didnt ban mi frm taking the exam

or else, my future goes down da loo.. lol!

i tink itz kinda easy, juz dat da transactions are realli tricky

u realli nid to strain ur eyeballs and squeeze out ur brain juice to understand wat the f*ck the person is trying to sae

aniwae, i TINK i ken make it

i got 4111 as my ans, n all my frens tink itz WIERD

coz they got all sensible ans lyke 4350 or sth dat rhymes wif dat, except 4 mi boohoo

gd luck to mie wen the result comes out...[cross fingers]

hmm...wat else should i sae

OHOH!! shair met with an accident

im glad he's fine...

f*ck dat driver

omg! wat if aniting happens to him.. there'l b no shair in my lyfe..sob

take care of urself shair

farna's eyes are getting better

i wonder wat on earth ken kip her hands off her eyes

it realli frustrates mi. i feel lyke her mother now.hahax

whoo...i smell roasted chicken!

i gotta see watz mommy cooking

gtg!! chalobaby!!

15 of july...itz supposed to b da happiest dae of the of the person i luv the most

my daddy...

previous years, i would make an effort to write him a "loveletter"

pouring my heart out on how much i luv him

i would buy him sumting special 4 the bestest daddy in the werld

he would kiss mi in the forehead and said i luv u baby

study hard, u are the best daughter, im proud of u.

study hard and strive for your future

make mi and umi proud

then, i would kiss his hand ade tears wud run down my cheeks

he'll hug mi tightly as if he's cradling mi wen im a baby

i can never 4get those touch

but now, the years have change

our lives and opinion abt lyfe changed

everyting change

he isnt the daddy i used to know

the one hu reminds mi constantly how much he luvs mi

hu holds my hand everytime we went out

the one hu let me know everyting is gonna b okay

as long as he's right beside mi

sigh....datz my daddy

those r juz memories of it

my dad is now different

he gets upset easily

he gets angry wif mi almost everytyme i went out

everyting i do is wrong

itz realli frustrating and saddening

we dun get to talk animore

all he do is juz watch the telly, sleep and eat

i mean itz lyke he has no lyfe at all

no family, no mie

it realli hurts u know

2dae is he's 53rd bdae

i dun feel the excitement lyke i used to animore

i dunno wat shud i get hym

haiz, i oni haf lyke ten bucks in my wallet now

mayb ill get sth small 4 hym

or mayb juz get home n pretend itz juz a normal dae

happi burfdae daddy!!!

baby lurve you

im confused with my own feelings now

i don't know if im still sad over watz over

or im happy with the tings that i've gone thru

i feel empty when im sitting in the bus alone

thoughts of the past came to me

memories of him just keeps on replaying

it became even more clearer when i tried

to shut it off by blasting my mp3 into my ears

luckily my heart is still strong enough to held back those tears

and continue beating despite those hurt and pain

sigh....the pain will go away sumday

time kills the pain

hmm.. i wonder how long will it take

ouch, ouch, ouch
my leg realli hurts. sumwhere in between my knee and my ankle
hmm...how ho i describe today
fun, crazy, laidback, frustrating, exciting
hahax.
i dunno how i feel 2dae
but over all... it was all abt FUN! FUN! FUN!
whoo hoo..lol!
there was pe todae
we played soccer
it was freaking fun
i didnt play dat well btw
my skills haf gone down da drain i tink
hahax so much 4 nt practicing 4 such a long tyme
farna didnt join us
she had sore eyes
haiz dat baby of mine
i kept on telling nt to touch her darn eyes bt she kip on doing it
i realli feel lyke cutting her hands off
well, during da game, i touched sth forbidden
lol! i dun wanna elaborate on dat
sowie khalid
im realli embaressed
only god knows how i felt at dat tyme
i felt lyke running away. hahax
school continued...blah, blah, blah
BORING!!
guess wat, 2dae was mr zaki's bdae
well, we sang him a bdae song n datz it
we did alittle accounts a we were dismissed
his girlfriend flew all the way frm dubai juz to b wif him in his bdae
how swit is dat
i wanna b dat kinda gal
sacrifice for da guy
hahahax.. dream on yana
here comes da exciting part
WE MET UP WIF DA STAMPID GUYS!!!
hahahax... it was realli fun hanging out wif dem
i missed them so darn much
oh gosh, bring me back da stampid days plz...
we hang out wif mi, ana n farna
da guys was wan, min, zai n shair
i had so much fun hang out wif dem
best sei....
hmzz... i miz dem now

CHALET, CHALET, CHALET
it was realli fun
with all the yourfilm.sg peeps
they made my freaking day YAW...
HAHAX....whoo hoo
i want more of it can??
3 days 2 nitez isn't enuf
cant it be 1 week?? plz3...

aniwaes, during the chalet we celebrated effah and max's burfdae
they got this realli REALLI big burfdae cake
n guess wat?? itz CAREBEAR.. effah's favourite
mi, farna and ana bought effah a tshirt
i bought da same shirt, juz dat it's of a diff colour
max got a BURFDAE BASH as a bdae gift hahahax...
poor hym..

cool down max, juz lie down

wen tings gets ugly

dun't try this at home sth might break

effah's bdae cake

effah n max

bdae boi n gerl cutting da cake

max, abt to get bashed.. hahahax luv u max

well, after the bashing tinggy..we chilled at the chalet

we played true or true (it was supposed to be true or dare)

fard got the worse questions ever....

we realli got a good laugh at ourselves...LOL!

thir thought me sth dat dae

that is FAITH

hmmm...then we went night walking..

it was SCARY

i dun wanna elaborate on dat

it gives mi those creeps

second dae.. nth much happen

fard, wan, min went home

it was juz a few ppl...kinda boring

den came bbq, akhym n frens came later at nite

haiz.. i felt bad for forcing him to cum

he must be realli tired

sorry eh akhym....

we chatted 4 a while wif farna and ana

den akhym went home

i was realli tired by then

so after we send him, i went to sleep

da next day, the next ting i know is dat

we nid to go home

sth happen but i dun wanna talk abt it

i lurve u effah, b strong orite

now i miz them

yourfilm3

i miz u guys