In my FairyTale....

2009-01-03T03:46:00.000-08:00

farna giler

hahah

i love u la farna

muwaks

2008-11-29T19:43:00.000-08:00

im realli tired, banking products and services ca is lyke less than 3 hours frm now

i dun know wat to do

my brain is alreadi half damaged

im supposed to memorise all those notes

i need some beauty sleep

wish me luck

(fingers crossed)

2008-11-25T19:21:00.000-08:00

i went thru da pics in my thumdrive

and i came accross pictures that makes me laugh

itz da day wen mi, ezuin, nash, li chien and farna

went to disney naturally!

it was realli fun and it reminds mi of my childhood tymes

hee. whoohoo!!!

nash's macaroni and cheese

farna's bolognais

and now.... for da 1 and only.. mickey pizza!!!

i finished half on it in a split second

after our meal...
itz table manners for u to wash ur hands after eating

and our desert.... ice cream cake!!!!

went to bugis after that

had fun though...

da food was G-R-E-A-T!!!

2008-11-10T19:50:00.000-08:00

those days turns to weeks and neverending waiting

he never texed me

i missed him so much that i do not know who to blame

is it my fault for loving him

or is it just plainly he's fault for not caring for me

questions flood my mind everytime my friends teases me because of him

im not upset at all about those teasings

i mean, im used to it

but it just reminds me of him

thinking about all those times he never contacted me,

i felt really upset

but when i spent my time with him,

he would sum how make sure that i had the time of my life with him

he realli mean more than words could say to me

mira talked about her troubles in her relationship yesterday

i felt what exactly what she's going thru

those pain and heartbreaks

i thought to myself if im strong enuf to be prepared to lose him

i imagined how would i feel if i saw him down the street with another girl

aaahh... i could feel my heart trembling, holding back the tears

gosh, tinking about those times i miss him

i dont tink i can go thru life without him

every night, i lay on my bed

praying that one day, he would love me with all his heart

i wonder when that day will come

but ill always be waiting

honestly, ive never felt this way before towards a guy

ive kinda lost faith to love i guess

there's this really sincere and caring person that came into my life recently

he is special in a way

i had so much fun being with him and sharing part o my life with him

but sadly, he didnt manage to take his place

he is just a friend

a realli special friend

and that's that

nothing more and nothing less

i miss him, he loves me

itz a different story totally on both point of view

i love you syg

stay with me

2008-11-06T19:34:00.000-08:00

went to vivo the other dae to see farna's lil boifie
guess wat? had fun at the playground
it reminds me of those tymes when i was much younger
and also the tymes wen im wif nadya, having fun at vivo after school
i miss u nadiah bte noradi!

it started off lyke this
then this

then.... hmm..

2008-11-04T19:45:00.000-08:00

am in school now...

lesson today as per normal

im in the lab again. supposed to do the discussions for the project

but......that can wait

great news is that mirically, i got a chance to go for the y prom thinggy at botanic gardens

which means that i can complete my nyaa silver award

but the bad news is that, im going to the movies on tha same dae

haizz.....hoping for a mirical to happen now

i cant possibly miss the event coz my award would go down the drain

well, i'll tink abt that sum other day

i suddenly remembered to go to mr ong's blog

checked out he's wedding date and the venue and stuffs

he seems happy and all.

im happy for hym too

gd luck for ur wedding mr ong

hope u'll have an everlasting relationship with ur wifey

b a good boy and take care of her orytez.. hehe

in he's blog, there's their ADVANCED wedding pics

itz realli cute

even he's wife to b is cute

i thought abt my wedding in the future

i wonder hu would b the poor man who would marry me and had to tolerate wif all my nonsense for the rest of his lyfe. hehehe

well, what ken i sae...

ill juz try my best to b a loyal wife and an inspiring mother

i want to get married to a fine man

who is loving, caring and responsible

sum1 who i would love with all my heart

and would haf the same feeling towerds mi in return

if he gave mi that honour of being he's wife,

i promise i wouldnt disappoint him

i would take care of he's well being

cook he's favorite dishes everyday

obey him if what he's doing is right

support him in everyting he do

respect him as the leader of the family

i fantasize to be a good wife and also a mother when the time comes

i want to live my fairytale with my prince, whoever he is

he doesnt have to have a house of diamond

and mount a horse

as long as he's sincere in loving mi

he'll always be my prince charming

im in love.....not!

2008-10-30T21:47:00.000-07:00

yay!! night cycling last friday was F-U-N!!!!!

i had truckloads of fun

hmm, what ken i sae, a picture tells a thousand werds

let da piss do da talking... whooo hoo!!!

my peeps, waiting 4 mie. i was late. AGAIN!!

i finally arrived n we camwhored in nad's dad's van

had fun a the beach while waiting 4 da event

nad injure herself b4 da ting even started. hahaah. lol!

camwhored again. dun ask y, nash is eating my peace!

trying out our bikes

da whole lotta gang wif our leaders. GO ALPHA!!

mie! peace!

our cute leader! peace!

da big daddys of our team

warming up session. lol!

eerrrmm...

all ready to go!!!

mi n my selenge self

PITSTOP! camwhored. DUH!

dun ask wat im doing to farna. i rape her almost everydae

spot my lil' ponytail anybody?

reating at changi village. and....

NASI LEMAK!!!!

clementi mammals enjoying da chicken early saturdae morning

went back to east coast...

tired, sleepy. but. FUN! FUN! FUN!

2008-10-23T05:09:00.000-07:00

i spend half of my nights juz staring at the computer
i thought those sleepless nights would pay off in the end
but now, im not sure
assigned a group, yeah, watever
so im supposed to sumbit my report on my own
yeah.... uhuh. i understand
so sumbit it on my own. great. thankz..

hybrid account or savings-cum-current account is an account that you can issue cheques and get funds
for example, u put ur funds in your savings account
and when u issue cheques to be deducted, the amount needed would be transfered frm ur savings to ur curret account.
UNDERSTAND???!!!
excuse me for my explaination.
im bad at explaining and that leads to many misunderstanding
so, my bad...
i am proud of my slides, i put in lotz of effort and did multiple researches on UOB and DBS bank
honestly, i sacrificed alot doing this
i got into fights with my brother
my mum was left waiting for mi to haf dinner with her but in the end, she ate alone
but i dun care, i mean itz for my future right?
i dun understand y am i so dedicated to this assignment
for the first time in my pathetic life i did my werk with dedication and passion.....
hahahaah... lol!

today was supposed to be the deadline of my assignment
ive completed everyting
was expecting tings to run smoothly but it was the other way round
i didnt get my report printed out
when i saw my ppt on ika's laptop, the fonts are all different and stuffs
it got me pissed off
i forced myself to keep quiet coz i dun wan to to convey ani remarks that would hurt my friends' feelings
one harsh remark was enoughfor me to lose a friendship that was built 3 years ago
i realli do not wan history to repeat itself
so i was quiet the whole da now
i felt better alone when im angry
if there's sum1 infront mi, the person could die
coz i might kill any random person near mi

basically today is a..........BAD DAY for me
sssshheeeshhhe, gotta go for my night cycling briefing
yay! itz dis friday!!!! whoooohooo!!!!

gotta run!

2008-09-24T06:29:00.000-07:00

i could realli feel my thigh trembling under my skin
i felt realli tight at my thigh to the extend that i had to hold on to the railings lyke an old woman wen im going down the stairs
poof....! such a reputation spoiler
yeah, yeah.
i know. i havent been updating my blog
fine! fine! itz my fault!
but u cant blame mi!
i mean ive been realli busy eversince school starts
what? holidays?
newsflash! ive been working lyke there's no tmr during da holidays
ive cut myself countless tymes accidentally with pen knives
get scolded by customers wen itz not even my fault
and sneaking tyme to see hym ofcourse. (hee)
ok... so u cant blame mi coz im actualli SUFFERING!
u shud sympathize wid mi instead ppl!
where is da love?!

ok..so today is the second day of the second week of school
itz NOT fine at all!
firstly, i had to re-get use to waking up early again
secondly, the new modules are KILLING me
my brain is so dry now and there's so many assignments n presentations to do
AARRGH!!!! im dying.
i went to school wid my new bag that i bought at peninsular yesterday
i totally love it!
itz pink with checkered prints on it. yay!
it kinda look small in the first place, but wen i got home, its actualli preety large
so no regretts on purchasing it
i stuffed my books, wallet, mp4, handphone, deodarant, pe shirt and a whole lotta trash on it but it still look cool
u might b wondering y i brought many tinggys 2dae
datz coz i had ''s n w''lesson . which is sports and wellness
or 4 da immature primary n secondary students' understanding, P.E.(hehe)
P.E. was quite fun. .......yeah........fun
we did those torturing workouts and over streching and throat soring captains ball game
i didnt feel a thing wen i was playing
untill i got to my void deck where im supposed to climb the 3 story high stairs
i could feel every nerve in my body
even my leg was trembling
i had no choice but to hang on to the railings
when i reach home, i juz lay on my bed
i wasnt sleepy at all. i juz cant move
1 twitch of my muscle would send shivers on mi
i dragged myself outta bed wen my mom forced me to wash up
i was stinky i tink. .....naaahh.. i sprayed deodarant all over mi b4 coming home
so yeah..

hmm..i miss compass point alot
i had a long break last week
and he hadnt msged mi since last week too
eversince he was pissed off wid mi coz i didnt tell hym abt my whereabouts
im sorry ok
wat else u wan mi to do?

shut up yana!
get another guy!

2008-09-16T01:25:00.000-07:00

i felt so bored this whole week
ive never stayed at home for such a long tyme
my muscles are getting heavier each day
and my joints are getting rusty
(sigh) holidays are great, but starving n friendship crisis....
uhuh...ruin the whole holiday
i just help mum bake hari raya cookies and stuffs
im starting to be good at it
i tink i'll make a good wife...hahahaha. lol!
reservations? anione? haha

i cooked friend noodles for my whole family yesterday
that was my first tyme, i deserve sum credit for it
yeah, it wasnt dat bad, my dad said
but i know! IT IS DAT BAD!!!!
he's juz trying to be nice
i hate my own cooking
i can taste the flour of the uncook noodles
it taste.....yuck!
despite dat, my mum n dad manage to force a good helping down their throat
i do not know how, but they just did
hmm..so much for trying to b a good daughter

hmm, wat else, got my shoes back(and an extra one)
slept my heart out
practicing on my patience
storing more fats on my body
rusty joints
half dead brain

that's what i benefit frm staying at home so far
it is relaxing, but im not used to it
i woke up at 11am everyday
haiz...i still feel tired though
doesnt the world realise that they need enuf sleep
if im a ruler of sum major state,
i wud declare 3 days for the werld to stop functioning
3 days for everyone to juz stay at home and do watever they want
clean the house, haf sum quality tyme wif their family
or mayb make babies
u know, we are encouraged to make babies, but we juz dun haf da tyme to
hmm..that shud be made into consideration wen i become a politician one day

oryte, my fingers are getting numb
i tink i shud stop here
ooohh...breakfast is lyke a milennium away
i dunno wat to do,, HELP!

2008-09-13T22:24:00.000-07:00

yeah, uhuh ive rebonded my hair

dun give high expactations of my hair coz itz not as nice as you tink

i juz wanna give it a try

i tink itz worth it...the try i mean, not the hair

i spend ard 148 singapore dollars on my "new" hair

i actualli nid to spend more if i were to buy the conditioner too

n guess wat ppl! IM BROKE

i repeat IM BROKE

oh gosh! ive never been this broke all my life time

my wallet only has a rusty 5cent coin in it

so anione hu wanna steal my fake anna sui wallet, be my guest

exams are over now

so basically im juz starving in the name of god

n hoping dat i wud cleanse myself frm all da sins that ive made(watever)

ive been a sinner for years now

oooohhhhh......wat the hell!!!!

juz came back frm madrasa, itz realli tiring

lil cuzzie came dis tyme

yeah, we talked a lot but not dat much coz

1/2 of our energy is drained on starving

1/4 on listening to our ustazah's preaching

hoping dat we'll change sumday

and the last quarter is used to drag ourselves home

im werking later, i realli nid sum beauty sleep now

gd nite

oh ya better link lil cuzzie b4 she squeezes my pancreas outta mie

later

2008-08-31T00:09:00.000-07:00

im sad, angry, pissed off and i nid to kill sumone
i spend 3 months of my miserable lyfe to save up to get a pair of havanas for myself
and now, itz gone!
itz gone juz lyke dat?
i wonder where is my havanas now?
it must be sumwhere in a cold, dark place
it must be crying and praying dat ill juz come by and take it away frm dat havanas stealer tinggy
i miss my havanas so freaking much dat my feet is aching
the lost havanas left me walking home in the rain with a pair of filthy toilet slippers under my poor feet!
how humiliating is dat?
curse dat havanas stealer...i hope ur toe wud be stuck in a hole sumwhere
and u cant wear my precious havanas coz ur toe is bundled in a contaminated bandage and it
cant fit in it...hahahahaaha
so BEWARE!!!!
anione hu has a swollen toe wud be my prime suspect!
ill get to the bottom of this... u'll see.
muahahahahaahahahaha

i remembered that faithful day so clearly
it was raining n just lyke every other sunday, i had to attend madrasa frm 8.30 to12pm
i was late as always. waited for darlink hidayah so we'll attend class together
in other werds, we were both late. lol!
so we talked n laughed our oesophagus out as we head to madrasa
wen we reached, i placed my beloved havanas rite next to hidayah's sandals
then we happily went to class
that day, class was kinda boring.... normal lessons
reminding us abt wat sinners we are
i juz sat there n listen. lil' cuzzie was absent as she got sum skool tinggy
poof..... watever
i havent seen her for 2 weeks now. haiz..
zaki told us to stay back for 30 mins after class to discuss abt "perjumpaan hari raya"
i didnt want to go coz im werking and i need to go home and get sum beauty sleep or else, i might strain my muscles. lol!
at 12, i juz wen outta class happily, tinking abt my bed while hidayah stayed
wen i reached the shoe rack, my heart sanked partially
MY HAVANAS WASNT THERE!!
i thought, ok yana, stay clam.... it might be kicked sum where
u juz need to search
n so i searched
AND IT STILL WASNT ANIWHERE TO B FOUND!!!!
ok so now my heart realli sanked
i called hidayah
she told mi to come up to the calss room
i went up and ended up attending the briefing anw
at 1, hidayah went down wid mi to hunt for my havanas
my heart sanked deeper wen itz still wasnt there
i was left wif no choice but to borrow the mosque slippers
n guess wat they gave mi?
a pair of toilet slippers
i was so disgusted wif my own feet that i hate myself the whole way home
i was cursing n swearing under my breath the whole journey
no word cud express how upset i am
itz a realli bad day for mi

n wen i reached home, my stinky bro made fun of mi
i juz hope he's toe wud get stuck too

anw, thankz hidayah for listening to mi whining juz now
i cant help myself
there goes my money

2008-08-18T23:41:00.000-07:00

munching on hello panda, sipping on milo
chewing on the straws
the blast of music frm aishah's fon brought back the 80's atmosphere
sitting in the cold com lab in school
i crave for sum1 to wrap he's arms ard mi
hahahaahaha.....so drama

my brain's jammed on what to do for the national day rally speech summary
im waaaayyyy beyond the deadline
i know, i know i can juz scroll thru the net n find sum ans
but itz wrecking the nerve outta mie wif lotsa werds on the web
i mean, cant they juz keep it short n simple
tone down on those werds ppl!!!!
itz giving me high blood pressure and is drying my lenses
i surfed in to this website and found sum info abt the rally
the whole speech actualli, itz juz dat i dun wanna stone myself by reading it
im still a teenager
u cant expect mi to spend 0.00000000000000000000000001%
of my life staring on a screen ful of politically chim werds
lyke hello!!!!
itz bad for the eyesight.
that's what my primary school teacher told mie. humph!!
lol!!

i spend my weekend juz werking, studying and spending sumtyme wif hym
exams are drewing near. it keeps my heart pounding
sumting tells mi to study, but wat abt shopping?
and the telly, and the new edition of russel lee's book?
and the chleo megazine, and the hot guy next door?
there's too many tings that i nid to take care of
im always missing out on my timetable that mom made for mie

this is an extract of saturday's timetable

8.00 - wake up/wash up (that's alittle too early)
8.30 - breakfast
9.00 - tidy up my bed room (hmm...)
10.00 - revision on afd (boring!!)
12.00 - lunch (yumyum)
12.30 - rest (haaa..)
1.00 - continue on my revision (BORING!!!!!!!!)
3.30 - break (yay!)
4.00 - dress up
4.30 - go werk (yay! i can mit him)
5.00 - werk (Zzz..)
11.00 - reach home/wash up (that's too early! i nid to mit him!!)
11.30 - last revision (nooooo!!)
12.30 - sleep (haaaa...finally)

cum on!! gimmie a break!
there's so many missing tings that my mum missed out on!
where's my shopping spree? n my telly?
and wat abt my tyme wif hym? and i nid sum soccer!!
or else i wont live long enuf to lose my virginity!
arrrggghh!!!!
getting home by 11 ist logical at all!!!
i'll die! oh god, show mi the way
y's lyfe lyke this

but aniwae, my mum is wasting her tyme. lol!!
coz i didnt follow it at all!!
guess wat? i woke up at 11 on saturday
how bad can that b? i know, im a piggie
but i cant help it! i long week in school,
i deserve a long sleep to drain away all those sickening formulas
and computerised graghics on my brain.
in other werds, i nid to b well rested
my mom blabber as usual
but hu cares
ill study wen th tyme comes
(i wonder when) lol!

P.S.: i nid to secretly slot in sumtyme in my timetable so i can mit him after werk
(ssshhh...)

2008-08-11T23:35:00.000-07:00

he stared into my eyes
i stared back in response
he's finding answers in mi
i dont even know what im thinking
i felt shivers down my spine as he puts his hands at the small of my back
pulled mi closer to him
i placed my arms around his neck
closed my eyes as i felt a warm and soft tingle on my lips
tighten my arms around him
he held me closer into his chest
i cant breath, but i dont mind coz that's where i wanna be
close to him
i leaned harder in to him
i could feel his heartbeating against my ribs
he's breathing and at the same time saying my name
at that tyme, it came to me
he's trying to say sumting
i realise i was biting on his lips
hahahaha....lol!!!!

he leaned back, holding his lips
he looked at mi in pain
he's eyes watering
i must have bite it really hard
omg, i felt realli sorie
i hugged him realli tightly
he hugged mi back
at that point of tyme, i was confused
i looked up at him and said "i thought...ur lips..."
he smiled and said "naaahhh....itz fine, i miss ur bites"
then he laughed and i tickled his ribs, he laughed even harder
we havent met for 2 weeks
and wen we meet, it was juz mi n him without the rest of the werld
i missed him so much
and i still miss him now
hmm......

he asked "do u love me?"
she replied "i do, u love me?"
he replied "yes"
he said "i missed u"
he asked "u missed mi?"
she replied "i do"
he asked "where have you been?"
she kept quiet

2008-08-05T21:55:00.000-07:00

tell mie, what does it mean if u give sum1 this:

that u guys are still "juz friends"?

that we dont share ani feelings for each other

and that u dont mind if there's sum1 else in the other person's lyfe

cummon just be honest

being "the one" is a different story

i mean, itz still too early to talk abt fate and the future

i dont expect him to stay in my lyfe forever

i know that i dont tink far

i ken only tink lyke abt 1mm frm now??

lol...!!!

i still haf a long way to go in my life

there's many tings i wanna learn abt the werld

and abt myself

i haf an ambition to chase here

i juz wan him to understand

things wud b different once itz all over

and wen ive gotten wat i lived for

i love him, but many tings haf to be taken to consideration of i were to spend the rest of my life wif him

i know i haf to trust him

but everyone has to earn the trust rite??

ive never caught him red-handed, but ive heard lotz of stories that im sure is true

wat keeps mi hanging on??

that's the question ive been asking myself too

conufused, confused, confused

questions after questions are flooding my brain

haiz....ill die of brain cancer if my lyfe go on lyke this

i cud feel the tumor growing and pulling on my brain cells

lol......!!!!!

i cant believe im soo caught up and drooling over him

sumting mus b wrong wif my brain cells

i mean, cummon!!!

he's juz a 26 year old security guard

wat do i expect frm him??

plus, there's so much better guys out there

feeling unhappy wif myself now

i feel unkempt everyday

i nid to rebond my hair....

cut down on those calories

and rebuild my stamina

how do i do it??

i haf no freaking idea

letz juz see how tings cums out aight

2008-08-04T21:53:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO SINGAPORE!!!!
yeah, this year is much different frm previous years
met new ppl, new lyfe, new me
hmm... wat shud i describe this national day???
too many human beings mayb??
i mean, seriously!!! ppl are juz everywhere ard eu
bumping into u, wif lotz of diff dress codes and....smell [yuck!!]
itz too hectic and for the first tyme in my lyfe, i actualli appreciate every breath that i take in
there is no air at all!!!
and do u know??
citylink is lyke soo warm with overcrowding of mammals
OH GOSH!!!

i spend this year's national day wif a new group of peeps
akimmm and his's frens to be exact...
hmm, itz wanst dat boring and it wasnt dat enjoyable as i expected
i was juz standing there, watching ppl getting excited over NOTHING
and making fools outta themselves
met akimm at 3, or shud i sae 3.30!!!
akimmm was 30 mins late!!!
no one made me wait, i mean, i make everyone wait
so much for being late almost everydae..
hahaha......lol!
sowie farna, u know wat i mean
yeah, back to the story
after he came, we went to marina to satisfy our belly
and head up up and away to the rooftop of marina square
we had a good view frm there...
wif akimmm's frens
haiz, wat sud i sae, i was quiet for almost da whole outing
i mean, i juz dont clique wif dem
itz lyke mi n them............ NO CONNECTION
i dunno y
datz lyke so nt mie
i usually talk to ppl quiet easily wen im in da mood
well, datz da boring part
and akimm was lyke trying his best to keep mi talking
and not making mi feel left out
itz nt his fault aniwae... n btw, he's trying hard
hahaha, kinda funny wen i tink abt it
wen the firewerks starts, it was BEAUTIFUL!!!!
as i was looking at it, my mind thought abt him
mayb coz he's sumwhere near, but itz far...
itz over but i juz thought wat wud it feels lyke mi being wif him instead
how he used to hold mi and kissed mi on the forehead
he is juz there at the parade itself
he belongs to sum1 else now
ive moved on, but memories of him still haunts mie
i missed him
i juz miss him, and it stops there

so after the firewerks, we hang out
talked abit, laughed abit
den, 10.30 went home
i reached home at ard 11 plus
luck was on my side
my mum didnt burn the house down or aniting
so datz abt it, my national day 2008...

2008-07-29T22:21:00.000-07:00

2nd of august marks an achievement in my lyfe
for the first time i performed infront of a crowd after such a long tyme
plus i wasnt dancing for fun
i was dancing for passion and in the name of the school
one thing that i cant deny is that im one of the worst dancer there

basically, im facing lotz of pressures ever since joining the dance club
it wasnt a smooth ride for mi unlike the others
yeah itz true that i didnt have much experience in dancing
but i dont wanna let that stop mi
one ting for sure, ill try my best to do it
i haf no idea how long can i stand all those painful remarks
but i will try my best
i mean wat's the point of learning wif sumone hu hates u?
it hurts ur feelings wen that teacher gives hurtful remarks
and it pisses her off wen u get tings wrong
and watz worse is wen she talks behind ur back about ur weakness
and start calling u names and comparing u with the others in the class
wen u were not there
i feel lyke quitting
im juz giving it one more chance
if the same tings happens again
im off....

ppl juz dont know mie
i still havent fine the correct place for mi to fit in
im still in my own searching werld
only god knows how i feel inside
the confusion, the hurt
my soul is still with my oldfrens, and...mamat
itz realli complicating if i tink abt it
ive given up in fitting in wif my skool pals
im juz spending everydae in skool juz walking ard the skool
wif farna
i spend tyme in class sleeping
i juz.....hate skool now
itz juz so boring and stressful and frustrating
plus the skool's environment is not even conducive enuf
i juz dont have ani memorable tinggy abt my skool so far
skool suck...every ting suck
i dunno wat on earth am i doing in skool everydae
i tires mi
im feeling restless lately

cummon....i nid steriods

2008-07-20T19:25:00.000-07:00

im stressed, restless and confused
the conversation with khidhir left mi wondering
am i the reason for the heartbreaks that ive caused myself to go thru?
he said, mayb now isnt the tyme yet
u should go and find yourself first
get to know you, and learn to love yourself first
b4 loving sum1 else
i was left to ponder on those lines
i felt that what he said was actualli thru
i didnt even know exactly wat kinda guy i want
i know ive been quite a bitch lately
going ard, hurting guys feelings
went into their lives and get out of it leaving scars in their hearts
im sick of it. i felt realli sorie
but i dunno how to apologize
yes, u're rite!!! im a coward!!! YANA IS A COWARD!!!
i dun haf the guts to admit my mistakes infront of him
and tell him straight to the face that IM JUST SO SORRY!!
and that i actualli felt the same wae towards hym
im just scared that history might repeat itself
the cut that is left 2 years ago has healed
but my heart is still fragile
and the wound might tear anityme
the day u let me walk out of your life has taught me a thousand lessons
i know that the years you were wif mi wasnt a smooth sailing one
i hurt u almost everydae
and i reali appreciate it that u stayed in my lyfe and continued loving mi
im sorry for giving u empty promises
despite all that, deep in mi, i love u wif all my heart
tankz for sharing ur lyfe wif mi
there'll owaes b a piece of my heart wf eu

oh gosh!! i feel lyke a slut
stop it yana!! stop it!!
itz tyme for eu to get serious
no more hurting ppl
plz yana plz....
juz wake up and itz tyme to give sum1 ur heart with sincerety

im waiting for that sum1 for mi to love again
promise made to myself: i'll change my ways
i nid to find myself sumwhere within mie
here i come

2008-07-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

itz been days since i last blogged

hmm...ive been realli2 buzy now

tests after tests, heartbreaks after heartbreaks

sumtymes i wonder, how long will my lyfe go on lyke dis

no tyme for family, old frens and even for myself

weekdays i spend almost 1/2 the day in skool

weekends i spend 1/2 the day doing skool assignments, religious classes and werk

i find my lyfe now realli hectic

and at nite, i got to use the com 4 lyke an 1hr and a half only..

coz if i use it ani longer, my eardrums wud bleed due to excess blabbering

and my mom wud throw mi out of the kitchen window. lol!

yesterday was my accounting test

i read every werd that's in the notes

n guess wat!! i was 15 mins late 4 it

cud u believe it...datz da first tyme in the history of my lyfe dat ive been late for an exam

yay mie!! congrats

or actualli boo.... im lucky dat they didnt ban mi frm taking the exam

or else, my future goes down da loo.. lol!

i tink itz kinda easy, juz dat da transactions are realli tricky

u realli nid to strain ur eyeballs and squeeze out ur brain juice to understand wat the f*ck the person is trying to sae

aniwae, i TINK i ken make it

i got 4111 as my ans, n all my frens tink itz WIERD

coz they got all sensible ans lyke 4350 or sth dat rhymes wif dat, except 4 mi boohoo

gd luck to mie wen the result comes out...[cross fingers]

hmm...wat else should i sae

OHOH!! shair met with an accident

im glad he's fine...

f*ck dat driver

omg! wat if aniting happens to him.. there'l b no shair in my lyfe..sob

take care of urself shair

farna's eyes are getting better

i wonder wat on earth ken kip her hands off her eyes

it realli frustrates mi. i feel lyke her mother now.hahax

whoo...i smell roasted chicken!

i gotta see watz mommy cooking

gtg!! chalobaby!!

2008-07-14T22:21:00.000-07:00

15 of july...itz supposed to b da happiest dae of the of the person i luv the most

my daddy...

previous years, i would make an effort to write him a "loveletter"

pouring my heart out on how much i luv him

i would buy him sumting special 4 the bestest daddy in the werld

he would kiss mi in the forehead and said i luv u baby

study hard, u are the best daughter, im proud of u.

study hard and strive for your future

make mi and umi proud

then, i would kiss his hand ade tears wud run down my cheeks

he'll hug mi tightly as if he's cradling mi wen im a baby

i can never 4get those touch

but now, the years have change

our lives and opinion abt lyfe changed

everyting change

he isnt the daddy i used to know

the one hu reminds mi constantly how much he luvs mi

hu holds my hand everytime we went out

the one hu let me know everyting is gonna b okay

as long as he's right beside mi

sigh....datz my daddy

those r juz memories of it

my dad is now different

he gets upset easily

he gets angry wif mi almost everytyme i went out

everyting i do is wrong

itz realli frustrating and saddening

we dun get to talk animore

all he do is juz watch the telly, sleep and eat

i mean itz lyke he has no lyfe at all

no family, no mie

it realli hurts u know

2dae is he's 53rd bdae

i dun feel the excitement lyke i used to animore

i dunno wat shud i get hym

haiz, i oni haf lyke ten bucks in my wallet now

mayb ill get sth small 4 hym

or mayb juz get home n pretend itz juz a normal dae

happi burfdae daddy!!!

baby lurve you

2008-07-13T19:11:00.000-07:00

im confused with my own feelings now

i don't know if im still sad over watz over

or im happy with the tings that i've gone thru

i feel empty when im sitting in the bus alone

thoughts of the past came to me

memories of him just keeps on replaying

it became even more clearer when i tried

to shut it off by blasting my mp3 into my ears

luckily my heart is still strong enough to held back those tears

and continue beating despite those hurt and pain

sigh....the pain will go away sumday

time kills the pain

hmm.. i wonder how long will it take

2008-07-09T06:46:00.000-07:00

ouch, ouch, ouch
my leg realli hurts. sumwhere in between my knee and my ankle
hmm...how ho i describe today
fun, crazy, laidback, frustrating, exciting
hahax.
i dunno how i feel 2dae
but over all... it was all abt FUN! FUN! FUN!
whoo hoo..lol!
there was pe todae
we played soccer
it was freaking fun
i didnt play dat well btw
my skills haf gone down da drain i tink
hahax so much 4 nt practicing 4 such a long tyme
farna didnt join us
she had sore eyes
haiz dat baby of mine
i kept on telling nt to touch her darn eyes bt she kip on doing it
i realli feel lyke cutting her hands off
well, during da game, i touched sth forbidden
lol! i dun wanna elaborate on dat
sowie khalid
im realli embaressed
only god knows how i felt at dat tyme
i felt lyke running away. hahax
school continued...blah, blah, blah
BORING!!
guess wat, 2dae was mr zaki's bdae
well, we sang him a bdae song n datz it
we did alittle accounts a we were dismissed
his girlfriend flew all the way frm dubai juz to b wif him in his bdae
how swit is dat
i wanna b dat kinda gal
sacrifice for da guy
hahahax.. dream on yana
here comes da exciting part
WE MET UP WIF DA STAMPID GUYS!!!
hahahax... it was realli fun hanging out wif dem
i missed them so darn much
oh gosh, bring me back da stampid days plz...
we hang out wif mi, ana n farna
da guys was wan, min, zai n shair
i had so much fun hang out wif dem
best sei....
hmzz... i miz dem now

2008-07-06T20:08:00.000-07:00

CHALET, CHALET, CHALET
it was realli fun
with all the yourfilm.sg peeps
they made my freaking day YAW...
HAHAX....whoo hoo
i want more of it can??
3 days 2 nitez isn't enuf
cant it be 1 week?? plz3...

aniwaes, during the chalet we celebrated effah and max's burfdae
they got this realli REALLI big burfdae cake
n guess wat?? itz CAREBEAR.. effah's favourite
mi, farna and ana bought effah a tshirt
i bought da same shirt, juz dat it's of a diff colour
max got a BURFDAE BASH as a bdae gift hahahax...
poor hym..

cool down max, juz lie down

wen tings gets ugly

dun't try this at home sth might break

effah's bdae cake

effah n max

bdae boi n gerl cutting da cake

max, abt to get bashed.. hahahax luv u max

well, after the bashing tinggy..we chilled at the chalet

we played true or true (it was supposed to be true or dare)

fard got the worse questions ever....

we realli got a good laugh at ourselves...LOL!

thir thought me sth dat dae

that is FAITH

hmmm...then we went night walking..

it was SCARY

i dun wanna elaborate on dat

it gives mi those creeps

second dae.. nth much happen

fard, wan, min went home

it was juz a few ppl...kinda boring

den came bbq, akhym n frens came later at nite

haiz.. i felt bad for forcing him to cum

he must be realli tired

sorry eh akhym....

we chatted 4 a while wif farna and ana

den akhym went home

i was realli tired by then

so after we send him, i went to sleep

da next day, the next ting i know is dat

we nid to go home

sth happen but i dun wanna talk abt it

i lurve u effah, b strong orite

now i miz them

yourfilm3

i miz u guys

2008-06-05T07:53:00.001-07:00

my first post in my brand new blog...
my lyfe changed alot now
ive got brand new friends who i can count on...yay!!
i find my lyfe more meaningful now
i never regret joining yourfilm.sg
i feel happy, no, veri happy..no no!! VERIX1000 happy!!
i am so in lurve with them!!
they made my day everyday
yourfilm.sg is 1 part of my lyfe dat i'll never 4get
let me repeat NEVER 4get
so if i 4get them, it means dat im alreadi senile..hehehe
so you cant blame me..lol!
i finally got in to terms with mom..
she's funny sumtymes
made me laugh alot n i feel realli at ease talking to her
eventhough she got me wrong sumtymes
haiz.... lyfe has itz ups and downs
even the tongue gets bitten by the teeth
what more your relationship with others
it gets nasty sumtymes but it actualli made dat relationship stronger
now, i understand dat phrase. lol!
mom's fine, brother's fine but dad....
he's been realli2 strict lately
i do not know why
it realli is not him at all
he is usually the one who keeps quiet but firm when he knows we go overboard
very seldom he raised his voice to me or keep on calling me to get home
im realli confused
the change is realli sudden
as a daughter i know i have to understand
he is in a difficult position himself
coping with work, mom, mi and brother
sigh... he's realli hard to understand these days
im just hoping he would change and be his normal self

I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!